I heard Derrick Jensen speak the other night. Wow, the truth is mega depressing, isn’t it? I mean, Jensen’s right, no? We’ve got some major thieves, criminals and murderers – sociopaths – leading us. How the hell did that happen? And they’re going to destroy not only our homes but our food supplies. What the hell? They must realize what they are doing. Is that why the top 1% or whatever’s net worth has risen by 94% over the last ten years while everybody else’s has nose-dived? Are they stockpiling for an apocalypse that they are bringing on? Or is the apocalypse inevitable?

Will there actually be an apocalypse? I mean, I lived through the Great Gas Shortage of the 70’s and the Cold War, where nuclear annihilation was ever present. Yet here we are.

They are returning: the Sleepless Ones. Lumbering towards me, large, furry, with eyes closed. Getting Closer. What will they do once they find me?

Prolly not a whole lot: shake me and lift me from the ground – because they're so much bigger than I. I can never figure out whether they are friends or enemies. I think they're just lonely and see me as a soft mark. Well, ok. I kinda like the big furry beasts. I don't care if no one else does, and now, I've managed to set up my life so I can entertain them.

I am in a weird place. I’ve been here before. I think, several times: once, when I left my bf of seven years and once, last February when I lost my last job. It’s a place of holding. It’s a Wait and See place – a place where I cannot see into the future. A place of anticipation – a place where I know that I must remain calm at because if I don’t, the dragonflies/people will leave. And the people are necessary for this place to turn into a new home.

What will this home look like? I think there will be more dragonflies/people in it, but I won’t care about them the way I have in the past. In comparison, I’ll be indifferent. That is to say, they’ll have more freedom to be idiosyncratic, irrational and well, human. Maybe they will be louder in my life and maybe they will leave messes in my living room.

They won’t have to be Christian, they won’t have to follow the same political parties or causes, they won’t have to dress the same as me or work in the same field; hell, they won’t even have to speak the same language as me.