I’m just here doing my taxes, wondering why. I don’t support my governments. I see them rewarding their friends and cutting social programs; making people like me pay for the big contracts they dole out to their friends – like my work isn’t worth the amounts they pay to their buddies! It’s easy to pay someone lots of money when the money isn’t yours; when you are just the custodian of the money of a huge group of people whom you feel no special allegiance or concern for. Damn, it’s pretty much unavoidable.

Why do I pay my taxes? Why can’t I just allot the amount I’d pay to social services, road repair (in my area) and more buses? Why can I not allot my money for workers’ wages not the raises of MLA’s?

I don’t make enough for Revenue Canada to come after me. For real. They’re not going to waste their time for the money they'd get out of me. I know where I sit on the wage/income scale and it’s not at a significant place. Why do I bother?

The Sickness returns. Inertia. Do I go for a jog or bike to Donald’s at Hastings and Nanaimo, buy groceries and come back? Or just start working: attempt to get the last 4 hours in – scratch that – work on my client’s site so he’s happy with me?

I don’t want to work. Nor jog. Maybe I would have went to my friend’s media event, or even to a yoga class… Blaaaaaaaah. I wish I could stop existing. Yesterday was a perfect day; today, in contrast, is evil.

I can’t get off when I have sex. As I said to my bf, I don’t have the energy anymore, to go there. The neurons play around each other, but they don’t actually connect. Blaaaaaaaah. Old, worn out parts – a dying sexual self… Blunted, constant itch that won’t go away.