That makes sense. But listen, I came to Frog Style Biscuit by chance, because I read blogs on a bi-annual basis (the ones I like are never updated, anyway). I have continued reading because this stuff does resonate with me, and I am commenting because I respect you. It hurts but you are brave. You are brave enough to say, comfort feels good but strength feels better. You shut your eyes but then you open them again. Thank you for making a tiny corner of the internet true. But please, I know the need to heal alone, so if you'd rather I not talk or read here, that's okay; I'll take a hike. But like you say, we've barely met, so as for my seeming 'together', let me just say: I am grateful for my life and even think I know what happiness is, but I don't leap out of bed for a double wheat grass and positivity-chanting-session every morning. I struggle with depression and anxiety and fear. You might want to think I'm full of shit here, a whiny collegiate type; I'd think that, anyway. But faultlines run through my feelings of hope so deep I can't see the bottom, some days. I can't see anything, some days, it gets so dark. 5 mins. in the Times has nothing on that. Being in grad school, neither. Money would not redeem it. I've met enough famous/rich people in California, to know 'success' does not allow us to escape who we are. Not even hippie success with a garden and chickens does that. I think we never start or stop being human. I think maybe only trust will help.